To those of you that have known my identical twin, Shawn, and myself, for a big bulk of time, I find it necessary to share why my family “has issues.” Many of you have been bombarded with on my Facebook account. I apologize for intruding into your space and privacy. I wouldn’t blame you if you had to ‘Hide’ or “Block” me in order to not be caught up in the drama. For others, it is important that I name the abuse. it is not spewed here to embarrass Shawn, rather to educate of experiences she and her son’s have had with one another and how our relationships played out for over thirty years.

1979 Shawn and Bob (Robert C. Murphy, Sr). are wed. Everything is peachy.

1980 Christopher is born. Everything is peachy.

1981 Shawn becomes pregnant with Robert C. Murphy, Jr. It was during this time when Shawn was in her third trimester that Bob attempted to rape me in my childhood home on my parents’ bed. I didn’t want to tell Shawn while she was carrying Robbie, but I wanted God and Shawn to know the truth. My disclosure was not to harm Shawn, rather get rid of something that could have festered for years as the dirty little secret. I told Shawn, she didn’t believe me, but Bob admitted it through sobs of stating he thought if he ‘had’ Shawn, he could have me too.  I realized for a big chunk of my life that I was ‘different.’ I was attracted to women and felt I was a male in the wrong body for much of my life. There was no way that I was attracted to Bob, invited his advances, and clearly he tried to rape me. Shawn called and Bob jumped off of me and I told Shawn she needed to demand that Bob come home. He did and it was a week or so later that I disclosed this event to Shawn.

1981 – 2001 I was shunned from the Murphy family. During that time I joined the Army, married a man I was not in love with (to get out of the barracks where I was sexually assaulted), and we had a son in 1985 (Kennedy).

1984, Stephen was born.

1986, Michael was born.

1985-ish, Nicole was born, but was adopted into the family at the age of four.

1990-ish, the Murphy family moved from Colorado to Florida.

1991-ish on, Bob was seen having inappropriate cuddling with Nicole. During their divorce, our adopted mother reported in a sworn statement that she visited Florida and found Bob cuddling inappropriately with Nicole (Nicole was laying on Bob’s naked chest, while she was naked on top of him, with his hand in her butt crack. Somehow though, Bob was awarded custody of Nicole, Robbie, and Christopher in the child custody settlement of their divorce that Bob filed. Bob was not working and Shawn was working 80 hours per week to keep a roof over their heads. Often times when Shawn came home from work, she also had to clean the house and do the laundry. Bob was not contributing to the home, he drank,  and smoked weed. When he served Shawn for divorce (so he could get back together with his high school girlfriend), he asked for maintenance (for him, the spouse) and custody of all the children. Bob was awarded custody of Christopher, Robbie, and Nicole; he did not receive maintenance. Michael went with Shawn.

2001, Nicole is 16 and reported to her school that Bob had been having sex with her for years. I believed her since Bob had no sexual boundaries. I thought he should be incarcerated for incest. Bob was wanted by the FBI and was hiding between Seattle, WA, Denver, CO (In his mother’s basement in Lakewood, CO and his sister,  Linda’s car parked in their driveway. She didn’t want to be an harboring a felon, but she compromised by allowing him to live in her car and not the house. Linda lived somewhere in Denver) . Bob also traveled to the Central Florida area. Christopher was helping to hide his father and would bring Bob booze to enable Bob’s alcoholism. During the same time frame as the Twin Tower attacks (9/11), Bob rode his bicycle,  drunk,  and somehow was run over by a semi truck and killed. Because I believed Nicole and was not supporting or hiding Bob, I became the bad guy.  I was expected to harbor Bob and conceal his whereabouts. I refused to do that. Christopher raised the remaining boys and Nicole went back into the foster care system.

2002-ish, Shawn became unemployed (due to an injury) and she couldn’t pay her rent. Instead of helping Shawn, the boys allowed Shawn to become evicted and homeless. This is the first time I became aware of the boys emotionally abusing her. Shawn was moved to Colorado and lived with me until she moved out to be with a man that also abused her until 2014, when Robbie got her out of that nightmare. The man she lived with emotionally, physically, and sexually abused her. He pretended to marry her, when he was already married to another women. He said he would file the marriage license if Shawn was obedient and she lost weight. Eventually, he divorced the first wife and legally married the third wife (second really, he was not legally married to Shawn, even under common law in the Sate of Colorado). He legally married his third (second wife) the same day he took Shawn and her adult children out to eat to Red Lobster the same night. We remember, because it was Stephens’ wife’s birthday. Who does that, gets married, but spends the evening with your pretend wife and her adult children and grandchildren? When this man got tired of Shawn he tried to shoot her, he tried to poison her with carbon monoxide poisoning (in the house he had her in), and he tried to push her off of a cliff.  She realized she needed to get out before he killed her. She called Robbie, Robbie flew from Florida to Colorado, they packed up Shawn’s things, and they left Colorado for good.

2014, Shawn moved in with Robbie, got into counseling, and eventually moved into a home in Titusville, FL. That home was funded by the man that abused her in order to settle and have Shawn just go away.

2014-ish, we found out Robbie had melanoma. Robbie endured chemotherapy and he thought he could cure it him self with pot. The cancer spread to his liver, lungs, and brain. He died in 2018.

2018, at the time of Robbie’s last few days before his death, Shawn reported that her other adult children didn’t even ask if she needed to go to the bathroom,  had something to drink, or eat. Shawn only left Robbie’s side when his adult diaper was changed. Christopher bought Shawn a taco salad from Taco Bell once, but no one made sure Shawn was taken care of as well. Some kind nurse went out of her way to go to the convenience store on her break and bring Shawn back Corn dogs. It was a stranger that recognized Shawn’s need of food and Shawn’s needs were being ignored by her own children.  Where were Shawn’s other adult children the day before Robbie died?  At Stephen’s house putting in a deck. The day that Robbie died, the adult children panicked and thought Shawn was deliberately allowing a cocktail to kill Robbie. The boys were insisting that he be released and taken out of the facility so he wouldn’t be administered morphine. The boys threatened to take Shawn’s right as the next of kin (the ‘Mother’), away from Shawn. They bullied her into signing the DNR a few days earlier by Stephen saying, “Remember, what you choose is what we will do to you.” The only one present for Robbie’s last breath was Shawn and Stephen. I don’t know where Christopher was, but Michael was outside the hospice calling the hospice and threatening them if they didn’t release Robbie. Robbie died while Michael was calling and complaining. When the day arrived to plan the and pay for the cremation, the remaining boys spit the cost of the urn and the cremation, so they had control of Robbie. They told Shawn that she was not to go to the funeral. Who does that? After quite a bit sorting out the behaviors of Christopher, I realized Christopher and Michael were using that “No funeral for you” to punish Shawn and manipulate her. Shawn told me that numerous times over the years from 2014 to 2018, Michael would say to Shawn, “If you loved us, you’d not have contact (with me,  her twin).” Shawn would tell them,  “No, it is my twin,” explaining the twin bond. They never understood our bond. It was then that I realized I had to not have contact with Shawn in order for her to not be punished for our relationship. I wrote Shawn an email and explained that in the 36-years of making attempts at having a relationship with any of them, Robbie was the only one open to it. The rest saw me as the enemy. At first I thought it was that their wives feared me being around the grandchildren (Stephen’s daughter, Chloe, is showing a leaning to boy things just like I did. They can’t blame me if she comes out as a lesbian, or has gender identity issues. She is already displaying gender identity issues. She wants to dress like a boy and play with boy toys, when girl clothes and girl toys are given to her–she tosses the girl things across the room and has nothing to do with them).  I know it is not what I thought ‘it’ was. I know now that no matter what I did or do, it would not change a thing. As long as I was in contact with Shawn they would find ways to penalize her for that and take it out on her.  Sadly, as I have to mourn the loss of Robbie, I was going to have to mourn the loss of a relationship with Shawn, in order for her to hopefully have a smoother relationship with the remaining boys. I asked her to not have the boys contact me. I knew if I ever went there they would abuse Shawn. I knew if it came down to someone being the ‘next of kin,’ Chris would passive aggressively take it out on Shawn even if I showed up to see her at any time ever–sick or healthy. Shawn is vulnerable to men abusing her. It is a form of Complex PTSD. I would not be the cause for her sons to continue to manipulate and emotionally abuse her, just because she and I had contact with one another. It is fucked up, but I am healthier than Shawn and I am able to sort out the dynamics going on. I can only pray her sons will not continue to punish her because of her involvement with me. Shawn knows I love her. She will feel abandonment once again, but I can’t save her from her own adult children in any other way. She needs to grieve me and Robbie at the same time. It is my hope she will restore her relationships with her adult children now that I have given them what they have wanted all along–my absence. It is like being a step parent that is hated. It is difficult to explain to people that don’t understand the twin bond. I love you Shawnee. I will love you forever, like you for always, for eternity my twin you shall be.